If My Heart Had Wings

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We’re in this
filth together.

I know I fucked up,
I do, I really do.

He’s so lost,
and all I want
to do is find him
but I can’t because
I’m lost myself.

She doesn’t deserve
having to deal with me.

When people
are better, do
not do anything
to bring them
down again,
especially if
it took a lot
to make them
okay.

You know,
without you
I’d probably be
dead.

All I want to do
is dig a blade down
my arm and drag it
across as I watch myself
bleed, and cover my
mouth to muffle the
screams, but I won’t
do that because I
promised you I
would try.

This isn’t about
poetry anymore,
it’s about being
functional.

I can feel
myself crash
inside the walls
of my lungs and
heart, but all
I can do is laugh.

Sigh.

You ever really
love someone until
you’ve been with their
worst.

There is this version
of her that still loves me,
and a version of him
that’s still okay,
and this version of a
boy who once loved me
that still exist, but all
I have right now is you
and that’s more than alright.

Looking up, there
are clouds and no sun,
looking down there is
the cold hard floor and
no shore, but I will
never stop dreaming of
the better things.

You should have seen
me cry, my darling,
you should have seen me
smile with delight.
My darling, you
are my new hope.

Sometimes I remember how
things were before, and choke
on the memory, but you
weren’t here before, so I
stand my ground and take
in the sufferings for a better
tomorrow with you.

We broken souls
have to stick together.

If my heart had wings,
I would be a better person,
but I yet have to carry my
heart with my hands while
the feathers slowly grow.

You don’t have to be
okay to be a good person,
you just have to try.

Thank you for
being here when
the universe gave up.

Someday, we
will be a lot better.

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Partial Anatomy

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Hello, darling.
Have you been
there long?

Beware of the
dreams you remember.
Beware of the
nightmares you ponder on.

My arms are
filled with graffiti.

The veins are colored blue,
maybe a sky swims
within them.

My bruises are spread,
throbbing, awaiting your
soft kisses.

Black ink slowly
fade away, right
before you can see
what I’ve written.

The cuts are
so vivid now.
Would you
ever trace them?

Everything I have
found out about
myself is yesterday’s
truth, today’s shadow
and tomorrow’s lie.

I starve knowing
that I have been
happier.

My collarbones
stick out and I can’t
help but feel proud
of the pain I had to
endure to see them.

Between moments,
I wonder where you
are and what you would do.

I always get
what I want
but not in the
way I want to.

There is this
sinking feeling
in my chest that
never, ever goes
away.

There are times
that my heart beats
so fast, I can hear it
thump from my
fingertips.

Sew your spine
when it cracks.

My lungs fill
with carbon
knowing that
there are stars
I can never hold.

You were an
angel with no
wings, and heaven
never bothered to
correct my assumptions.

I’ll take a shot
to the heart, and
a hit on the head
for you, darling.

Always, always,
do I think about
your bright, tired eyes.

A human body
cannot withstand
the sun without
the chill of loneliness,
and cannot handle the
dry cold without the
heat of one another.

I bite my nails
feeling the rawest
form of panic,
from the moment I
awaken to the minute
I drift back to sleep.

The butterflies have
morphed into wasps,
migrated into my
ribcage and now I
can hardly breathe.

Drink my tears
when you thirst,
let me hold you
when you know
no shelter.

Rebuild my deconstructed
little smile before my
chapped lips bleed.

The blood that
inhabits my body
is filled with toxin.
Care for a sip?

My eyes cannot
intake colors like
they used to, my brain
cannot process my thoughts,
my ears hear disillusioned music.

With every broken
dream and shattered
muscle, I swear the suffering
is worth it.

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Empty and Lost

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I lose my
loose thoughts
over and over
again.

We had together.

Your misery
correlates with
mine.

There are only
two things
in the world
that I am
sure of;
death and
heartbreak.

Sadness is a
constant medication
my soul cannot survive
without.

Your kisses and bruises;
blue, black, silver, red and
gold of the setting hour.

I’m scarring myself
again and there is
no one left to tell
me to stop.

Love with a
loveless lover,
the lesser the
lovelier.

Sometimes I forget
that our souls aren’t
supposed to long
for one another
anymore.

You were more
than enough,
and I just couldn’t
accept that.
Don’t blame yourself
for it.

It’s hard to
understand
what love is
now that I
don’t have it.

The rain is
just rain, the
sky is just a sky.
The sea is still,
and I still drown.

Please, could you
be more tender?

When I was close
to you, why did
you ever let us
part?

The bloodied,
beaten, red little
heart still thumps.

Keep busy,
keep busy
with the fade
memories of us.

You’re never happy anymore.

I’m so fucking
lost again,
I forgot how
I got here.

This oasis
of reveries
is never ending.

Can one ever
let go of what
they were used to?

What was love
if it was not
lasting?

A stranger fell
in love with a
strange lover.

I have lost you
(you have lost me).
I am losing
the vivid moments
in my head.

Not knowing what
your skin feels like
against mine is like
waking up with no
memory of how
to live.

Who am I
if not yours?

We’re still
under construction.

The embodiment
of our misery never
sings, never smiles,
never sleeps.

I fucked up.

You don’t love
me anymore.

I still haven’t
figured myself
out, and in the
process of finding
me, I lost you.

Can someone so
full of emotions
feel so incredibly
empty?

And at this
heartbreak,
I blink at
death.

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loving is human

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loving

is

easy,

loving

is

hard.

loving

is

human,

where

do

we

start?

 

my

wings

weaken,

my

horns

shed.

the

sky

darkens,

the

couds

turn

red.

 

i

love

a

love

far

more

than

love,

i

fall

and

fall

apart.

the

world

seems

dull

and

ever

sad,

a

mess

of

memories

i

once

had.

 

today

you

fall,

tomorrow

you

rise.

tell

me

of

heaven,

of

hell’s

white

lies.

 

you

loved

me

true,

you

saved

my

soul.

you

held

me

dear,

and

i

was

once

whole.

 

i

let

you

go,

i

set

you

free.

why

does

it

still

feel

like

you’re

(not)

loving

me?

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Loving Apart

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Let me hide
under this quilt of
misery woven stars.

And here I lie,
missing people I never
thought I’d miss,
missing moments I never
realized were there.

Does it ever hinder
you when you remember
who you left behind?

Throw away these maps
and let the roads untangle
on their own. The great
adventure back home
awaits us.

My soul lies deep
within the pit of
those I have loved
and will never stop
loving.

No matter what happens,
I will long for the home
that is you.

I can never get
drunk on my own,
I can never get
high on my own.
Perhaps my vices
are only carried
in the tips of
your cold fingers.

My heart is that of
a fever, longing and
yearning, never stopping
for the feel of your embrace.

I miss the culture,
I miss the atmosphere,
I miss the laughter,
I miss the love,
I miss you.

The caged bird
never sings anymore.

I waited for you
to tell me that
you love me again,
but you never said it.

In this strange land,
I am a stranger who
no one will save when
I am in danger.

Your heart beats for
the wrong people now,
while mine doesn’t beat at all.

Lost.

Drifting into the
lone night, my
soul seeks the
salvation that
cannot be found
where I now fall.

It fills me to know
that we still blink at
the same stars, but breaks
me when I recall that
the wind that calls me
is not the same that reaches you.

And here I am,
sinking when I told
you to rise without me,
waiting on the ever
hopeless love as
you look for love
on your own.

I told you
to hate me,
to loathe me,
to get over me,
and you did
yet somehow
I still love you.

The war pigs cry
their favorite battle cry,
I cheer from the barricades,
the whole world crumbles
and I haven’t seen you still.

Oceans will always
sway to the song of
the moon, the bees will
always long for the nectar
of what blooms, and I will
always love you no matter
how broken or complicated
reality gets, I will.

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Sometimes

black and white keep going gif

sometimes

the

world

falls

apart

when

i

try

to

put

myself

together.

sometimes

the

sun

burns

my

skin

when

i

want

the

rain

to

fall

and

leave

me

drenched.

sometimes

i

make

her

cry

and

i

break

him

when

i

just

try

to

do

the

right

thing.

sometimes

there

is

this

weight

on

my

chest

that

makes

me

sob

when

i’ve

been

meaning

to

smile

for

the

day.

sometimes

i

rememebr

things

and

my

tongue

recoils

to

the

back

of

my

mouth

and

refuses

to

let

me

swallow

anything.

sometimes

i

long

for

your

embrace

when

i

find

myself

lonely,

but

am

reminded

that

you

are

far

away.

sometimes

i

look

for

a

song

in

hopes

to

cheer

myself

up,

instead

i

drown

myself

with

the

worst

melodies

that

let

me

think

of

the

memories

that

will

never

come

back.

sometimes

i

see

the

beauty

of

my

surroundings,

and

yet

i

complain.

sometimes

everything

is

scattered

and

we

are

losing

ourselves

in

the

wrong

moments,

all

we

can

do

it

wait

to

be

found.

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Heal the Wounds

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I can’t
feel my heart.

Kindness tends to
the gardens of those
who cannot be true
to themselves.

Maybe I’d feel a little better
if I knew where my soul was.

Sometimes the sky
knows when something
is wrong.

There is something
very wrong with how
my body feels to
be awake, to be alive.

See, I figured out that
I wasn’t the wanderer,
my soul is. I wonder, and
now I’m just an empty
anatomy waiting to be
whole again.

Tell me the secrets
of the universe, and
how love is supposed
to be the subscript
of life itself.

Unzip the sea,
stitch up the clouds.
We have to review
the poetry of our
surroundings.

Humans are fragile
creatures that strive
so hard to make things
better when they haven’t
even figured themselves out.

Fall into the
horizon that
will catch you.

A whole ocean hides
behind my long eyelashes,
and sometimes, it leaks.

Try to survive all that
we have put ourselves into.

Never trust yourself
if you cannot control
the weight of your own chest.

Stiffen your back,
unlock your ribcage
and untangle your lungs.

When I see flowers, I know
that I am supposed to see beauty.
Why is it that each petal looks
like a broken forever?

I used to think that
we could fix ourselves.

Somewhere down a long
twisted path in the stars,
there is another dimension
where we are all together,
alright and in love.

I never realized how
wrong I was.

Tell me,
what happens
when a soul loses
its way back home?

Utterly lost,
stale until
complete again.

I’m trying to convince you,
as well as myself, that beauty
itself will suffice, that it can heal
the wounds, but I won’t stop
bleeding no matter what I do.

Who do I miss so much
that I cannot stop wailing
under my covers?

I can’t breathe.

Gently take all
your organs apart,
and if you can’t find
your heart, then shred
the brain.

Now I feel my heart beat
so strong it’s at my throat,
and I want it to stop.

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