A List of My Lies

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I miss you.

I love you.

She used to
love me, and I
used to think that
I loved her.

I told him
that he was
my closest friend.

We were in love.

There are moments
when I just feel so happy.

I don’t love him
that way anymore.

I did not ruin her,
she ruined me.

We could have loved
with a love better than love.

There were laid,
happy and infinite.

Time will heal
us, okay?

There was no better
sanctuary than our own.

I felt safe in your arms.

You were
my everything;
my light, my oxygen,
my passion, my reason.

The memory of
us together pains me.

There are times
when I wish you
are still here
beside me.

We share an
endless love.

I will never stop
falling in love
with you.

Even the sky
and the sea
will not keep us
apart.

You are my
sea song melody.

Here lies a list
of my biggest realities.

I’m fine.

You don’t
have to be
here for me.

It’s okay,
I understand.

No, you’re enough.

Yes, I need you.

I am contented
with just you.

I’ll stop
hurting myself.

I wouldn’t miss
anything in the
world for this.

Change is fiction
to the way we love.

I have never loved
anyone as much as
I love you right now.

You are the best thing
that has ever happened
to me.

I am happy,
and today had been okay.

You don’t need
to help me.
I can do this
without you.

Nothing is wrong.

I promise.

I wish I had
to spend every day
with you.

This is for you,
not me.

I want what’s
best for you.

You have never
hurt me, okay?
Stop thinking
like that.

I have never
been assaulted
by those I love.

Love is a promise.

I am confident of
who I am.

You don’t have
to worry about me.

I’ve got it
under control.

I don’t miss you.

I don’t love you.

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Lost and Found

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There is hope
in all that we
do, some lost
and some found.

You are my
lightning and
I your heavy thunder.
Together we
make the
heavens storm.

Maybe we
will go on
adventure together,
someday, someday.

I can’t help
but get lost
in your eyes.

Can you hear
the angels sing
for us tonight?

You are my unstable
grace upon midnight
of push and pull misery.

Maybe I was wrong
to lose you.

I need to
find you
before they do.

There is a
map to my
tattered little
heart written
on my skin
in your kisses,
marked with
dry lips.

You are my
faith, my hope,
my immortal grace.

I am nothing without
you. Please come back.

There are moments
when I wish I
hadn’t met you
at all.

You were
right to lose
me to my
own misery.

I need to find
a way to
survive
without you.

Can you
teach me
how to
wander?

Maybe
we weren’t
supposed to be
together in the
first place.

There are
landmarks
across your body
that I remember
by heart.

You need to
look for me.
I left my
broken heart
as a clue.

I have to
kiss you
before I go.

There is immortality
in every single kiss
you have ever given me.

Maybe the map
you left me to
find you wasn’t
for me but for yourself.

You are the gravity
that stars long to touch.

I am
sick.
trapped,
chaotic,
miserable,
and broken
without you.

Can I at least
know your
favorite
constellation
before you go?

There are secrets
I cannot tell you,
secrets that are kept
hidden for your own good.

I was on my
way to find you
when you found me.

You really
are lost in
yourself, aren’t you?

Maybe the stars
are too far to
find. But why
do I see stars
every time I
look into your eyes?

After I have
found you,
after we
have found the
starts, after I have
lost you and
you have lost me,
can we still be friends?

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Oblivious

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This is the
part where
I try to forgive
myself.

I have to be honest,
I don’t want to be here.

There really
should be
a concrete
reason of
why I’m still
standing.

My mere
existence
itches, like
a scab I must
take of and
make bleed.

I am the
reason why
you suffer,
why you make
yourself suffer,
and you know it.

I do not feel
worthy of anything.
Not ever life.

Can’t you see?

There are little
flecks of light
that I can only
see because of
their shadows.

Someone,
please,
just shoot
me already.

I am numb
now, like you.

The blood
I try so hard
to hide makes
me so happy.

Come to think of it,
it’s so idiotic to even
hide my self-inflicted
injuries, yet I still do.

I crave for
more blood and
more bruises.

You cannot hurt
me anymore.

The trick to
staying numb
is that you have
to want the pain.

Is this
considered
a cry for
help?

No one can
hear my
noisy silence.

I have to
admit,
I’m tried
of living.

I have never
felt more alive
with the need to die.

I promise,
I’m okay.

What’s the opposite
of clean?
Dirty?
No, bloodied.

I find it so
depressing that
I can never be
happy without
feeling a little
sad, knowing
that I’ll be
miserable
later on.

Feelings are
fleeting.

I have to
remind myself
that you love me.

Your love,
if anything,
hurts.

My dear villains,
can you save me
from myself?

Scream or die?

You know,
if suicide
wasn’t a sin,
I’d be long dead
by now.

It brings me
joy to know that
I’m not the only
one suffering.

How can you
all be so
oblivious
to my shrieks
for help?

There are worse
things to do than
to die. Dying is easy,
living is a burden.

Moments that
capture me
are the moments
when I realize
that I simply
want to stop
moving forward.

Help me.

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Hit Record

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REWIND.

I
need
to
hear
your
voice
one
more
time.

PAUSE.

There
are
moments
when
I
need
to
be
away
from
you.
Please
understand.

STOP.

You
just
don’t
get
it,
do
you?
I’m
so
sick
of
this
already.

PLAY.

Honey,
let’s
love
tonight.

SKIP.

Please
stop
looking
at
me
as
if
I’m
not
even
here.

FORWARD.

Can
we
just
start
all
over
again,
and
make
it
better?

RECORD.

Honey,
I
love
you,
and
I
always
will.
I
promise.

Anymore

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And here I wonder
if violet eyes
were too violent
for you to love.

And here I think
about the nights
when you would
sing me to sleep.

And here I remember
all the moments
you told me that
you’d be with me forever.

But is your eternal
only a matter of
short, limited minutes
that I can count?


And here I wish
that I had seen
the tired smiles
you had offered me.

And here I hope
that you didn’t
lie to me when you
once proclaimed love.

And here I dream
that I could be better,
for you to love,
and never leave.

But I had been with you,
even at your worst,
and on your worst
you still said forever.


And here I listen
to your forgotten disks,
to the songs you once
dedicated to me.

And here I hear
the song of birds
in the morning,
without you.

And here I intake
the reality that
you are gone,
and will never return.

But will you ever
realize that your
love is fiction, and
that I don’t love you?

Damaged Sunshine

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Stop, don’t think
about the worst,
think about the best
and wish it’ll happen again.

And here we are,
in the heart of chaos,
and I am a failed hero,
because the only one I want
to save is you.

You were there,
in the sunlit room,
and I couldn’t help
but think that the
sunshine was from you.

Maybe if I stopped
loving you, you would
come to love me back.

Why do all the
people I fall in love,
fall out of love with me
a little too quickly?

Am I too much
or too little
of a lover
for you to love?

Love is a maze
of moments,
painted with
promises that
none of us should
ever break.

Can I live my
life in peace?
Can you just
get out of my
heart already?

Maybe the worst
is yet to come,
and the best part
was loving you.

Look at me in the eye
and tell me that you love me.

More than words,
but soul is what I look
for in you, and you have
nothing but a way with words.

I know that
all of this
pain is my
fault, but
will the pain
end if you
admit that
you never
loved me
in the first place?

Never think
that I didn’t love
you, because I did.

Forever will
I wonder if
what we had
was actually love.

Hold your breath,
I’ll hold your hand,
one last time.

The sun has lost
its light when you
left the room.

There is no poetry
in a tongue full of
lies, and a heart
full of knots.

Can you tell the
difference between
the worst and best?

And this is when
I realize that I am
your collateral damage,
and you never had the
intent to mend me back together.

There are moments
when it’s so dark,
it seems as if you
were never even here.

I cannot save you
from myself, but can
you save yourself from me?

I need your
sunshine
to redeem
my selfish sins.

We are best of
mistakes,
and the worst
of promises.

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Too Special for Me

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You are
a puzzle
my brain
refuses
to solve.

Maybe there
is so much
more to this
quiet life
than we know,
noise waiting
to be uncovered.

I have
little sense
of permanence.

The feeling
that arises
from my chest
whenever I see
you is surreal.

You don’t
have to
make a
sound,
I can hear
your laughter
echo from
the center
of your heart.

I am a
damsel
of my
own
destruction,
defining
my despair
with demented
definitions.

You are
the craziest
person I know
who has the
nerve to tell me
that they love me.

Your wicked
grin casts a spell
over my deepest desires.

I was born
to save you
from loving
me.

You must
take care
of others
before me,
but look
out for yourself
most of all.

You’re too
special to
just end.

Pardon me
for thinking
that I was
anything
more than
your friend.

These
words
are getting
a little out
of hand now.

I must confess,
I have never
met anyone
who looked
so good with
tears in
their eyes
and a forced smile
playing on their lips.

It’s okay,
darling.
You can
tell me
anything.

Share your
most insane
thoughts or
your mundane
dreams, I will
be here to listen.

My life
is now
tinted with
the most
exotic hues
thanks to you.

You confuse
me into
loving.

They say
you must
love yourself
first, but how
could that be
if a piece of my
heart is sewn
alongside yours?

No easy love
is a kinder love,
for all promises
have a danger to it.

I will
search the
depths of the
sky and the
distances of the
ocean to find
you once more.

You are a
star full of
universes,
waiting to
be reborn
in your passion.

I miss the
way we used
to be able to
tell each other
anything.

I am collateral
in your absence.

I will count
the moments
without you
until you come
back to me.

 

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Bittersweet Realities

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There are worlds
beyond these
sober reflections,
yet all I have
is a broken compass.

Let me stay awake
in the dark,
and take your
place as their
ruler. Please,
just for tonight?

The ink on
your nails
are bloodstains
from yesteryear’s
murder. How dare
you not invite
me to the funeral.

‘Who had died?’
they asked me.
But did they
really care?

You kiss me
as if nothing
is wrong.

The biggest lie
I have ever told
you is that
you were enough
for me. I almost
believed myself.

I don’t need you
at all, but oh my God,
I will miss you
so damn much.

Set my
treacherous,
little
soul on
a little
light,
I’ll need
it.

You’re too
good for
me.

The tattoos
on my wrists
are maps
leading to
where
I once buried
your old,
rusty heart.

The smile
you give me
is so bittersweet
I can almost
taste it.

Am I
worth
saving?

My heart says
stay right here,
my brain says
leave you.
My soul
tells me to
do both.

Death,
in its approach,
entered a
café and
ordered a
caramel macchiato.
You thought maybe
it was your time,
but he just
came back
for extra
whipped cream.

I have been
here longer
than you,
broken hearts
more than you
have loved,
tasted lips
more than
you have
been kissed,
and yet you
still think to
know better
and fall in
love with me
when I told
you not to.

The ghost of
you is close
to me, and
it makes it
so hard to
forget about
you.

Please, please.
Stop shouting.
I don’t need
another siren
in my brain.

Weak and
tattered,
let me try
and save you.
Help me
convince you
to hate me.

The universe
was made for
us to nurture,
not destroy.
Take care
of yourself,
and not me.

Don’t leave
me alone
with my thoughts.

Please.

Catch me,
I might be
falling for you.

And in reality,
you are more
than enough.

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Tonight, Always

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You
thought
it
would
be
sweet
to
break
my
heart.

I
knew
it
would
be
bitter
to
fall
in
love
with
you.

You
cast
your
light
upon
me
every
time
you
cried
in
my
arms.

I
let
the
darkness
take
me
as
I
smiled
sadly
at
your
direction.

You
would
kiss
me
goodnight
before.

I
still
miss
you
tonight,
always.

Two Parts of Fate

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THOSE WHO SEEK

We
are
the
humans
with
wings
and
beating
hearts,
the
Icaruses
that
long
for
nothing
but
the
sun.

We
are
the
lovesick,
the
bold,
and
the
cursed,
destined
to
fall
down
into
deep,
deep
fate.

THOSE WHO WAIT

We
are
the
silent
songs
in
crowded
rooms,
the
inevitable
ground
that
waits
for
whoever
responds
to
the
magnet
of
gravity.

We
are
the
benign,
the
contented,
and
the
bittersweet,
waiting
for
angels
dauntless
enough
to
fall.