I don’t know why I feel like this. Breathless. Hopeless. It also feels like I’m suffocating, like I’m sinking and drowning into the deep. But my feet are on the rock-hard ground and I’m breathing perfectly. The light is so strong, I’m even blinded. No indigo, rough waves of the terrifying sea pulling me down. No raging, cold, cruel storm. No oxygen deprivation. Nothing.
But, why, I ask myself. Why do I feel my heart thump forcefully against my chest? Why do I fell so out of breath? Why do I seemed so dazed? Why do I suddenly feel so conscious about myself? Why do I feel so insecure? Why do I feel my heart jump so high, then fall and crash into shattered glass? Most importantly, why do I feel like the minimal bit of joy that is left in me is being sucked out of me, then returned back to me with such vigor, then pulled back out again in a never ending painful cycle?