Dead Love

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Since we know
deep within us
that love is dead,
why bother living?

You are the
constant fear
I try to keep
buried within me.

We were alright,
and then we took
a closer look and saw
the wretchedness that
we were made out of.

You are the embodiment
of beauty itself, eyes looking
at the world as if you know
that you have us to our knees.

Built from the song
of the sea, and the
lullaby of the wind,
you are a melody
I will never stop
longing for.

I am hopeless,
you are temptation.
I am breathless,
you are sin.

My affections lie
by death’s fingertips,
and all I can do from afar
is watch as you give
love like it is color and wind.

You taste like wine
to my alcoholic tongue.

And here I know
that this is slow suicide,
to try to love,
to try and love you.

My sober intentions
cannot defend my
drunken deeds,
but you are worth
all the transgression.

There is a beast
that stomps on the
perimeter of my heart,
and it carries your name
and shrieks in your voice.

The rhythm in my
chest implodes on
itself every time
your skin touches mine.

There are gravestones
across my body, marking
every spot you once
laid your lips upon.

I can’t breathe
when you share
the same atmosphere
as me.

Your blood is
expensive liquor,
your anatomy
seduces my heart
to take you in.

Fight me, take my
sins, ignite me.
I am your sacrifice
for tonight.

We can do
this again, and
again, and again.
What can stop
us now?

The ache you
cause somewhere
in the vicinity of
my affections
has killed whatever
hope there was left.

Chain my mind
to the floor, and
my limbs to the walls;
your love is torture.

Take me
against whatever
surface stands
in our way.

You have to
beware of
whatever
lies within me.

And we know
that our love
is death, and
we are lost souls.

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Nightmare Harmony

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You are a
conundrum
of reason my
heart must confront.

Choose a drug;
love or freedom?

Sing to me,
my darling angel.

You are a destructive
elixir, made for the
weak of heart.

Your voice is perfection,
your song is comfort.

Help me,
I am rage,
I am crumbling.
Help me,
I am fire,
I am ash.

Your comely
disposition
is my safety net.

A melody of
memories haunt
me into falling
in love with you
all over again.

You are real,
I need to find you.

You slaughter
my dreams
into wanting
to exist.

Hold on to
our fading
harmony.

Encompass me
with your voice,
in your song,
safe.

Look into my
eyes and tell me
that I am dreaming.

You are the
reason I look
forward for
tonight.

Whenever I blink,
your image surrounds
my head.

Find your
way to me
in this cyclone
of noise.

My darkness is
eternally serene
when you sing
me to sleep.

Whenever I hold
my breath, you
and I come together
in a sonic daydream.

Lullaby, lullaby angel,
stay with me,
for I will fear
the night
without you.

There is a
typhoon of
isolation in
agonizing silence.

You are the
sonorous rhythm
my heart follows.

Let us come together.

Whenever I close my eyes,
I will see you eliminate
the blackness of me.

You are music
made for the
gods to listen to.
My angel, I do not
deserve you.

I am your
instrument,
a human soul,
and you play me
like you are still
in heaven.

You are real,
you are real.
You are danger.

A hurricane will
form within me,
breaking the walls
you built.

In between you
and me are
storms and songs,
drugs and dreams,
and reality itself.

I am not afraid.

Once upon a time,
I was better alone.

I try to convince
myself that you
are all I need, my angel,
but the truth is you are
a nightmare my heart
has grown to love.

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Without

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What is
song without silence,
love without hate,
peace without war?

Nothing is
simple in this
collision course
of slow lovers.

Darling,
the dark is
too bright
without you.

Come home
to the sea,
come home
to the sky.
Come home
to my embrace.

Take the
stars away
from me,
take the
waves away
from me,
just never
take back
your heart.

Your beauty is
like the sun,
radiant, powerful,
dangerous.

Quiet.
Still.
Awake.

The moon will
howl in longing,
for the stars,
for the sun,
for anyone.

Your fingers
trace my scars,
burning my skin,
healing my heart.

The sun will rain,
and clouds will shine
when you find your way
right back to me.

Loving you
is slow suicide.

Tell me why
nobody will
ever love me
the same way.

Far away,
light-years apart,
there is a world
where I can live
alone and happy.

We are not easy,
we are scarred,
we are crumbling,
we are chaotic.

Look at me
with your lips
and kiss me
with your eyes.

I hate your everything.
I hate the way you smile,
the way you laugh,
the way you keep faith.
I hate that I might
truly love you.

Hearts wear out,
souls grow dim,
love falls apart.

I miss you,
I want you,
I need you.

Blinding darkness,
love of mine, please.
Please keep me safe.

This is our
paradise lost,
a love never lasting,
hurt everlasting.

I fear tomorrow,
yearn yesterday.
Today is unspeakable.

You used to fall
asleep in my arms.
I used to dream for
those nights to last.

Fire and ice,
both burn
the heart,
the hands,
the intertwined.

This is, was,
never strong
enough to stay
alive through the
storm.

Upon reckless kisses,
and accidental touches,
my love was never fake,
it was never a mistake.

Truth is the
epitome of
false satisfaction.

The hollowness
inside me will not
allow anyone else
to fill it but you.

I cannot
breathe alone.

What am I
without you?

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Poison Wings

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I am home,
but I have never
felt so lost in myself.

My wings are stronger
than my bones.
My bones are stronger
than my heart.

Oblivion is a song
we refuse to deafen
ourselves from.

You are lost.
You are wandering.
You are found.

Oh only angel of mine,
hold me through this firestorm,
capture my fragile heart with your wings.

Tell me what to smoke,
tell me what to drink.
Your heart is in my chest
and I need to find a cure
to let it breathe again.

Our bodies colliding
again and again is danger,
but never an accident.

Light me up
like one of your
cheap cigarettes.

I remember you
telling me once
that I am your home.

Keep yourself together.

I can feel the drumming
of your heart ring against
your cold, cold fingertips.

Down the hall,
down the aisle,
down the grave,
we go down together.

I am not mended
but I have my pieces.

There is a solemn sanctuary
around us when your arms
are around me.

Sweet creature, gentle beast,
hold me close, hold me quietly.
Anything, just hold me.

I don’t know
how to love you
like the way you
want me to.

Bring me home
to where we belong.

Your touch is
stronger than
vodka and cocaine
together.

Every time I am close
to you, I feel like a sinner
against my own virtues.

Pick your poison,
me or yourself?

How am I going
to find myself
back home when
you are ever moving?

When I am alone,
I think of you,
and I feel more alone.

Don’t open your eyes.
Listen to my skin,
touch my heart,
taste my senses.

I am intoxicated
by how safe I feel
around you.

I am your nicotine,
breathe me in.
I am your alcohol,
drink me quick.

Darling angel,
when we stop lying
to each other?

Nothing is ever nothing,
but I am empty without
your wings around me.

You are my broken home,
and you will always
be enough.

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Familiar Destination

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“My location is neverending, wandering, fleeting, free.”

There are roads and streets upon which the best moments come to life, where the memories are made.

I’m honestly not one for travelling to a new place, and discovering and learning new things for myself; well, not yet at least. I don’t like the idea of walking uncharted land, and settling into new habits for a day or two, or a few hours, then going back to where ‘real life’ lives. It’s upsetting to know in the back of your head that the paradise infront of you will not last for as long as wanted. But, despite that, I love the mere act of hitting the road and going places. I had already decided that I want to proclaim that the pathways of the world is my home, and that I am theirs.

 

I’m an actual dork. I want to go to SO many places, but I am broke af, and knowing me, will be for the near future, so there goes Europe. I am a tropical child, though, and have always bees one, forever longing and yearning the sun even if I really fucking  sometimes hate it. The best part of not getting to venture unto the wild, and faraway, is that you can find comfort in the smallest of spaces and minutes.

Staying in the car, calling shotgun or backseat, or even driver and riding unto a familiar destination about two hours away (or more, COME ON this is Philippine traffic) is good therapy if you’re okay with secluded spaces and near proximity to human skin. Riding with your friends or family is good if you want to pray together about the heaviest troubles, or call dibs on who gets to be DJ for the quarter of the trip. This is good if you’re comfortable with eating anything, from overnight oatmeal to sunflower seeds to an original glazed donut from Krispy Kreme, in a moving little box. This is the best feeling if you find sanctuary listening to Beethoven or OneRepublic in your earphones in the dead of night, your head on your older sister’s shoulder, slowly falling asleep to the shit driving of your dad that you’ve grown so used to. This is the best thing if you haven’t found yourself yet, and still are searching the gravel streets with your eyes closed and your hopes up.

 

I can’t say I’ve been to a place that has stolen my heart clean off my chest, but I have to admit that the journey going there, wherever, has named itself sanctuary.

Humanity’s Scripture

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I
AM
A
SINNER,
A
DEVIL
IN
MY
OWN
RIGHT,
A
BARER
OF
HORNS
AND
SHARPENED
TAILS.

I
AM
A
SCULPTURE,
A
BROKEN
PIECE
OF
HOPE
IN
MY
OWN
HUMANITY,
FRAGILE
AND
WEAKENED
BY
MY
INSECURITIES.

I
AM
A
LOVER,
AN
INSANE
KNIGHT
IN
MY
OWN
WAR
OF
DESTRUCTIVE
AFFECTIONS,
LOSING
MY
HOPE
AND
WINNING
HER
OVER.

I
AM
A
CHILD,
A
BEACON
FOR
TOMORROW’S
RESSURECTION,
A
HERO
WHO
WILL
FALL
BUT
ARISE
ONCE
MORE
WHEN
I
AM
READY.

The Lost Exploration

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There is
helplessness
under your
gaze.

The feeling
of skin against
mine is silent hope.

Our lips
collided like
stars touching
the earth for
the last time.

There are
galaxies dancing
in your sad, sad eyes.

The wind and rain
sing a melody of
forgotten forevers.

Stay in my
arms and
I will be
your broken
home in
heaven.

Hold me
through this
storm, I will
protect you
in this raging
fire.

Sometimes,
we fight and lose
each other.
Maybe we can
find our way back
with a new heart
of hope.

Your fingertips
are constellations,
and your lips are
nebulas I yet have
to explore.

I cannot
see a future
without you
in it.

Your secrets
are comets that
fall into the
vicinity of my
affections all
too perfectly.

That dream
you’re flying
crashes right
into me.

She wakes me up,
she breaks me up,
she lifts me up.

I have yet to
fall in love
with your sins,
and yet have to
forgive your
perfections.

The moon
whispers the
secret of living.

You shy away
from the sky
like it was not
your first love.

I’ll write the
vows of affection
in the rugged
galaxy of our youth.

Dive into the
vacuum of my heart.

I sort of
like to throw
away myself
and live in the
emptiness of space.

Explore
the
universe
with
me.

You’re safe,
I promise
you always
will be.

I am so
scared of
your judgment.

Sorry for
letting you
down.
Again.

There is
comfort
in the space
around you.

There is a
permanent
scar in our
favorite
shooting start.

I will
never wage
a war with
your past,
but make
peace with
our future.

I cannot see
myself as a
shining star,
unlike you.

Your laughter is all I
need to feel better.

Save me from the
blackness growing
from within me.

The sun will
never dance
the way she
used to without
you by my side.

I belong to the
earth and you to
the sky, but you
have brought me
heaven despite
all of this.

One day we
will be gray,
wandered and
longing.

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Closing Distance

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RUN

TO

ME,

FIND

HOME

IN

MY

ARMS,

FIND

WARMTH

UPON

MY

SKIN,

I

WILL

KEEP

YOU

SAFE.

 

CRAWL

TO

ME,

SEEK

LOVE

IN

MY

HEART,

SEEK

CALM

UPON

MY

EMBRACE,

I

WILL

HOLD

YOU

CLOSE.

 

I

HAVE

NEVER

MISSED

YOU

THIS

MUCH,

I

PROMISE

TO

NEVER

LOSE

YOU

AGAIN.

Human Nature

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Today is not
the day to
save the
world.

Maybe before
we can save the world,
we can save ourselves.

I believe in
a new beginning
and a tragic ending.

You are somewhere
in between living
and dying from
your own thoughts.

It’s always
better to hold
your hand than
to let go.

Memories look
too precious
to be a real
moment.

Do you hear
me amongst
this painful storm?

Across the water
will be our paradise,
and in our hearts
are the sails.

I am lucky
to have found
you in an ocean
of dirty smiles
and rugged souls.

Every time we
say goodbye,
a hallow feeling
fills my chest.

Rub your hands
together in hopes
to warm my iced heart.

Save me from
my demons, and
I’ll take care of
your angels.

I cannot tell
you how much
you mean to me,
words won’t do
my promises any
justice.

Every single
human is a
champion in
their own right,
for every other
step we reach is
another milestone.

In your eyes
there are mountains,
and oceans, and skylines,
and I cannot stop staring.

Navigate through these
weeds and find the
beauty I hide within.

I will love you
forever, but
only in the start.

Ordinarily,
you are a miracle.

Take it easy,
you are young
and strong, and
I am old and frail.

Live high,
look down.
Breathe in,
breathe out.

Wake up from
your selfish ambitions
and start moving toward them.

I need to
find my hope
within you.

Strum my
heartstrings
and create a
story out
of the melody.

Wait for me
to come back to
you. I promise,
I will.

I find my
cyanide happiness
right by your side.

Our lives are
impeccable damages
that we ruin all the more.

Here we are,
all of us shaded
by our own mistakes.

Golden freckles and
constellation eyes,
you are the masterpiece
of this lifetime.

Our bodies pressed
together is the unwritten
cosmic paradox of this era.

The world does not
need saving, but I do.

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A List of My Lies

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I miss you.

I love you.

She used to
love me, and I
used to think that
I loved her.

I told him
that he was
my closest friend.

We were in love.

There are moments
when I just feel so happy.

I don’t love him
that way anymore.

I did not ruin her,
she ruined me.

We could have loved
with a love better than love.

There were laid,
happy and infinite.

Time will heal
us, okay?

There was no better
sanctuary than our own.

I felt safe in your arms.

You were
my everything;
my light, my oxygen,
my passion, my reason.

The memory of
us together pains me.

There are times
when I wish you
are still here
beside me.

We share an
endless love.

I will never stop
falling in love
with you.

Even the sky
and the sea
will not keep us
apart.

You are my
sea song melody.

Here lies a list
of my biggest realities.

I’m fine.

You don’t
have to be
here for me.

It’s okay,
I understand.

No, you’re enough.

Yes, I need you.

I am contented
with just you.

I’ll stop
hurting myself.

I wouldn’t miss
anything in the
world for this.

Change is fiction
to the way we love.

I have never loved
anyone as much as
I love you right now.

You are the best thing
that has ever happened
to me.

I am happy,
and today had been okay.

You don’t need
to help me.
I can do this
without you.

Nothing is wrong.

I promise.

I wish I had
to spend every day
with you.

This is for you,
not me.

I want what’s
best for you.

You have never
hurt me, okay?
Stop thinking
like that.

I have never
been assaulted
by those I love.

Love is a promise.

I am confident of
who I am.

You don’t have
to worry about me.

I’ve got it
under control.

I don’t miss you.

I don’t love you.

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