Here’s The Thing

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Here’s the thing, okay?
Okay, so, you have to know this
and I want to show this to you by
being true and true. Truthfully, you
break me, oh darling, you shake me
into this deep and scary, very scary truth
that someone loves me and it’s a mystery to
me why you do, but I’ll take it. It’s from you anyway,
and fuck, you know how you always make my day when
you come and say I love you? Do you? Because fuck, I love
you too, so much. I swear this, true and true.

Here’s the thing, okay?
I’m not okay with this at
all. Like, I’m used to cutting
my wrist and not getting lists
of why someone loves me. Me?
Hey, I’m used to trashing and crashing
and burning and turning on my grave before
getting up again to be hurt again. I am not used
to affection and walking in the right direction, and
someone having the intention of making me smile and
holding my hand while we walk and talk about so many things.
I’m just not used to it, but holy shit, you are so worth it.

Here’s the thing, okay?
So the thing is that I expect
you to break me and take me
to my grave again, where I’ll pave
a way again with my tears and my fears
of never being loved. But you love me, you
tell me, and I love you, I swear this is true, so
with your love I am above any height I have ever
reached, above a lesson that will teach me to live
again, to love again. To love you, again and again.
Because the thing is, I love you so much more than
I thought I ever would, and if you could, could you love
me the same way, and say it, say it like you love me true.

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I Don’t Think You Know

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I don’t think
you know how
to forgive, or even
give your heart away,
or how to stay, or pray
or be kind and find a light
to ignite in others, or even lovers.
I don’t think you know how to live,
or give yourself a break from any misery,
for you, loving is a mystery, you’re a tragedy.
Tragically, I will offer my heart, and play a part
on your miraculous restart.

I don’t think
you know how
to hold a hand,
or disband your
sadness, or how to
hold gladness within
you. You have to glue
yourself together to get
better. You have to rue your
anger away to have a good day.
You have to hold your thoughts
like the fragile wings they are, wish
upon a star, and wish your wish will
take you far.

I don’t think
you know how
to wish, or even
love, because above
all else is love, love is more
than surviving, it’s striving for
a light in darkness, a caress with
brightness, floating for the flightless.
Hold your heart and your wings, forgive
your heart, it may sting, but sing with the
brightness and you will no longer be flightless.

I don’t think
you know that
part of finding you
is loving you, part of
grinning true is being you.
You play a part to set your own
heart to beat, to stay alive and do
more than survive, arrive at the thought
that you can love yourself and find wealth in that,
because above all else is love, and loving is living.

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Heartbreakers

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She was a
heartbreaker.

My universe was built
imperfectly for her to
make better.

The first time she told
me she loved me, I almost
drowned in my own tears
because it was too good to
be too real, even from her.

It takes two
years for a heart
to get over me.
I count every time.

Darling, do you ever
look back at how we
used to share tender moments?

When she held me
in her arms, the world
felt safe and peaceful.

I could never sleep
because my dreams
were right there, talking
to me and telling me
that the nightmares
won’t ever happen.

He was so sweet
when he comforted me.

Dearest, did you ever
think back to your promise?

You know, he told
me he wasn’t going
to leave me like the others,
but he stormed out the
door with my soul
strangled in his fist.

Keep vigilant,
for the hearts
of their fragile
owners all break
just the same.

It’s so painful to know
well and true that he
did actually love me once.

What happened?

I thought it was us
against this cruel world,
walking side by side as
the rest of them slept.

He told me that
we watched the watchers,
the guardians of those
who looked after others.
Who’s watching over me now?

She said always, she said forever.
She never thought we weren’t
going to end up together.

Darling, did it
hurt you to leave
me cold and dry?

We grew together,
we were there for
one another when
the world chose to
destroy us. I never
thought that he was
the one to destroy
me in the end.

Am I not worth
their love?

They trashed and burnt
me and didn’t bother
collecting the ashes.

I am so beaten down,
I am so lost in myself,
I am so broken because
no one is here anymore
to hold me still, tell me
that I will get through this.

What if I won’t
get through this?

He said that we must
tame our monsters,
but he was a monster himself.

Dearest, do you
ever think about me?

I thought that she would
save me from myself, but
she left and saved herself
from me.

I am paralyzed,
I am beaten down,
I am heartbroken.

He was a
heartbreaker.

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Make Things Better

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I don’t believe
in finding yourself.

A love, a soul,
a wish, a dream.

Our human
bodies can only
hold so much
raw ambition.

Flying takes you
nowhere.

I have sadly
learned that when
you let yourself sink,
no matter the pain and
the turmoil, there will
come a time that your
body will awaken and
rise from the darkness.

You have to
accept that
not everything
that is good
for you is something
you will love.

Love is too strong
of a word, too raw
of a feeling, and yet
here we are, loving
as we figure out
that that is all we
must do to live.

You take my heart
and throw it in the
sea without a proper
farewell.

We cannot find
ourselves when
we have been here
for each other all along.

The moon never beams
without golden dreams,
without silver fairies and
rainbow colored lights
to encourage its courage.

I once saw a man and another
man love, and two girls kissing
and then felt this pang in my
chest because I have never felt
so complete yet so alone at
other people’s endearment.

Let me be one with the breeze,
with the vapor that touches the clouds,
and with the frost fall rain.

If you are the sky, then I am the sea,
for I only glow vividly because of thee.

Catch what you can of the sky,
of the universe beyond our limits.

Catch a few stars,
capture a few galaxies,
the space in your heart
needs to be filled.

Rub sink against skin
for it might as well be
gold that the friction creates.

Let peonies grown at your bruises
and fresh vines at your scars.
Let the divine touch of the earth
heal what hurts the most.

Try to think in the moment,
never behind nor ahead.
Your thoughts must devour
the moments you are living in.

I cannot let myself
rise from the deep
if the light is not
ready to have me.

You’re shy of a centimeter
from falling apart, aren’t you?

Our lives are lent to
us to make things better.

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Shut Up and Listen

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Listen to me.
The problem with
you is that you never
really listen, instead you
choose to glisten in whatever
you think you know. You know
that I know that you think you know
everything, but here’s the thing. You don’t
and you won’t, and you never will. So will you
just stop trotting around in high horse, and mind
the course your taking? Because shaking to reality,
no one will ever care about you in the way you think
they might do.

Just listen.
There are cracks
in your foundation,
your heart a useless
creation at this point.
Pointing this out, your
walls shout to me the very
doubt that proves to me what
you’re trying to point out for me.
See, you can’t function without me,
not truly. Surely, I am one of those who
surround you with what you need. I won’t
wait for you to plead before you bleed and ask
me, to task me, to fix you up again. Again, I won’t
help you heal anymore, unlike before, you have to
feel pain some more.

Listen.
You’re beyond me
now. I’ve bowed and
vowed to finally leave you
alone, yet I can’t condone your
sins. If this violence wins, chaos begins
and you stumble down again. Can you humble
down again, before you crumble down again? Your
core is a shore against the sea, battered by the sea, a
breathing tragedy, a misery of evil’s victory. Seriously,
you need to stand by, at least give it a try, ask yourself why,
maybe even cry. Crying is no sin, instead a win over yourself.
Selfishness is a norm, a play we all perform in. Widen that grin
and begin this path, away from wrath, away from hate.

Shut up and listen.
I have loved you,
a love above you, yet
you breathe unknowing,
stupidly showing that you have
been growing without me, though
hopelessly. Helplessly, you will realize
that you have lost me, your pride has cost me,
and one day come across me and see that I will
shine without you, be intertwined without you, emit
my own light without you, burn ever so bright without you.
Shut up and listen, because this is the last time I will ever talk
about you.

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Mischievous Misdemeanors

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You’re everything
I want, but I by
no doubt  don’t
need you.

I’m not telling
you that I want
your lips on mine,
I’m just telling you
to kiss me.

Brand new smiles
and lightning eyes,
have you come to
tease me again?

Don’t misbehave.

Do you remember
what I whispered to
you last night, sober
and full of lust?

You see, the last time
I told you that I had to
leave, you pushed me
against the door I was
supposed to walk out of.

I wonder how
you taste like this time.

Can the night
be so sweet?

Let me think
of the things I
want to do to you.

I just want to
make you happy,
you know that.

Answer me when
I tell you I love you.

This is so much more
than merely love.

Your skin sets
fire to my bones.

When we collide,
your tongue speaks
another language
across the universe
of my ever still
anatomy.

You fill my
lifeless heart
with your scent
and your presence.

Hold me,
so close that
even our mere
atoms are touching.

Kissing you upside down,
kissing you by the hall,
kissing you on the bed,
kissing you on the floor,
kissing you makes me.

I melt into
your being.

Come back to me,
so we can play under
the dead stars.

There is a little
sting on my lips
whenever I smile,
and I have never
loved it more.

You leave me
with bruised lips
and I leave you with
marks on your neck
and collarbones; must
we ruin each other
when we love?

I just want
to be on top of you.

Skin on skin,
the rhythmic breathing
of our tattered dynamic.

Your heartbeat
fuels me to hold
on tighter and kiss
you a little harder.

I’m not trying
to be suggestive
or anything, but
we should make love.

There is balance
in hurting and dancing,
in loving and giving.

My love,
you ruin me.

I can’t help
it when I bite you.

And when we’re finish,
tired and covered in sweat,
the beast will be falling asleep
in your arms, where I am safest.

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Breathe In, Breathe Out

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A heart so rare,
a soul so soft,
a love so unstable.

Your room is my home,
your bed is my foundation,
and in your arms I am safe.

Waking up afraid and uncertain
and then crawling back into my
grave the very next night is so
exhausting.

You’ll never understand me;
I can’t even understand me.

Take a deep breath,
be kind to the flowers
that grow within your lungs.

Take me to where
the clouds are heavy
and the ocean floats.

I will always miss the way
your room plays with my
senses, and lulls me.

The universe is not ready for you
if you are not ready for yourself.

Am I enough?

Sometimes I cannot think
but my brain will make stories
and poems and they will all just
rot into the books I don’t have
the heart to write.

I have learned that people
are born with passion, and
some just choose to neglect it.

Have you ever been
so passionate about
something (or someone)
that your heart could
barely catch up?

I am afraid of missing
out on people, on doing what
has to be done for people, including
myself. I am so afraid.

The fear of absence
fears my overly enthusiastic heart.

The again, my heart fluctuates
the way waves push and pull
within my delicate veins.

You will be victimized,
the people you love will be victimized.
The world will continuously
break you, which means you
must never run out of glue
and a little bit of affection.

My heart is a machine
and I’m low on fuel.

You have to live
in the moment, and
fall in love in the moment.

Fall for what matters,
the people and the places
and the right song and the
call of the wild wind.

Being with the perfect people,
darlings who you love and love you back,
in the perfect moment,
huddled close, breathing dreamily and safe,
is the reason why we continue to live.

Inhale the stars,
exhale the sea,
we are empathy.

Our lips beneath an eclipse,
an apocalypse.

Love is understanding that
you need to be understood.

Love unstable,
hearts capable,
fear disabled.

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